ASK MARA: How will social skills coaching help my autistic teen with dating?

“My autistic child is 16 and has never had a friend. Now those teenage hormones have kicked in, and they want to start dating. I’m concerned because they are immature. They act more like a middle schooler than a high schooler. How can I help to prepare them for dating when they can’t even make friends?"

This is a great question! Because autistic youth often struggle to read social cues or communicate the way neurotypical people do, making friends can be much more challenging for them. Once those spicy hormones kick in, as you noticed, the drive to connect becomes more urgent. However, without a foundation of good social and conversation skills, dating can be frustrating at best and unhealthy at worst.

Our social skills academy courses offers different curriculum for different age groups. This allows us to tailor the content and language in a way that is appropriate to that age group. This way, parents can feel confident their child won’t be learning with others who are much older or younger.

Sixteen is that "cusp" age — seemingly too old for the teens group, and perhaps too young for the young adult group. 

In your case, I'd recommend the young adult class. The teen and the young adult curriculums are very similar. However the teen class focuses more on good sportsmanship and how to handle bullying, while the young adult class has lessons on basic dating etiquette and consent.

Keep in mind that our courses are structured in a way that both parents and their child participant, with the parent (or other caregiver) receiving coaching to help their child assimilate the lessons and practice skills at home. This is what makes our approach unique and effective. You’ll be learning, week by week how to support your child as they learn new material.

Your child isn't getting any younger, although they're on their own developmental trajectory which, in this case, includes an interest in dating. This is natural. However, they first must learn how to establish, cultivate and maintain friendships. If you don't know how to be a friend, how can you be more than a friend? Developing the communication skills — along with learning healthy coping skills like interoception and self-regulation — will give them a solid foundation to connect with others as friends and as romantic partners.

—MM